champion of poo containment
Cart 0

The Tale of the Lovely Hippopotamus, The Raging Sea and the Orange Dog!

at the beach guest blog uses

Guest post from Hefina Evans

Brace yourselves for......

The Tale of The Lovely Hippopotamus, The Raging Sea and The Orange Dog!

One rainy, wintry Monday in December, the lovely hippopotamus, along with The (one and only) Orange One and Stig of the Dump Daisy May, made her way slowly and carefully, in her exceedingly filthy little red car, to a little town called Aberystwyth. She encountered many lovely, lovely people on her journey who were so very considerate and helped her keep to a 30-40mph ALL the way there!

At last, at long last, she arrived safely to meet her mother for lunch. She had some lovely salmon to eat and then excitedly exchanged some early Christmas presents. 

Next on the agenda was to take the doglets for a walk by the blustery sea and meet up with the mother for some coffee and cake!

By the way, the lovely hippopotamus happened to be wearing a jumper dress, woolly grey tights, brand new shiny black, brogues and a lovely, new, green, padded style jacket (TK Maxx sale!)!

She mentally made a note that the pockets of said lovely, new, green, padded style jacket had very shallow pockets and that she needed to be careful whilst on the blustery beach that her wonderful red phone, her car AND house keys and the dog poo bag did not fall out! (Are you starting to guess where this is going??)

True to form, The Orange One was galloping back and forth whilst barking furiously at the raging sea, bouncing his way through the white, thick sea froth with the look of a rabid beast within the first few minutes! Daisy May, however, as always, was a real lady at all times and staring at this rabid scene with a look of bemusement and disgust in equal measures!

Now, the lovely hippopotamus was continually checking her coat pockets to make sure her keys and wonderful red phone were still there....yes, they were!

Suddenly.....(here it comes, stay with me!)....The Orange One broke free and was galloping at high speed headlong into the massive, raging sea...thick sea foam being thrown in every direction!

Panic gripped the lovely hippopotamus because she knew full well that The Orange One had doggy ocd where waves were concerned and she knew that if she didn't do something, The Orange One would be washed out to sea and never seen again!

So.....the lovely hippopotamus ran into the sea (in her jumper dress, new coat, new shoes and woolly tights) shouting and screaming at The Orange One (who of course, took very little notice and continued to head out to sea with sea foam trailing behind him!).

She started running...well, as much as she could through knee deep (yes, KNEE F*$£ING DEEP!) raging sea and a soggy, deep, stoney 'beach'. She eventually caught up with The Orange One's lead trailing in the wetness, grabbed it, yanked it hard and stopped said rabid Orange One in his tracks!

A profound level of profanity ensued as she dragged her soggy, lovely self and her soggy orange dog up the soggy beach as a small crowd had gathered and were clearly finding the scene exceedingly hilarious!

She suddenly remembered.....her pockets!! With horror, she found them to be.....Empty....empty...empty....apart from some dog sh!t in a bag!!!! (Go figure!!)
More panic and profanity ensued as she spent the next 15 minutes trudging back and forth, scouring the soggy beach for any signs of her wonderful red phone and keys! Nothing!! The tide was coming in fast and her woolly tights were now completely waterlogged and her shoes filled with beach gravel and looking decidedly worse for wear!
Some serious eye leakage occurred as she trudged up the steps and collapsed on a seat at the top, watching the raging sea moving ever closer, knowing that she would never see her wonderful phone and bunch of keys ever again....that they were being tossed and tumbled down into their watery, raging grave!

About 5 hours later, the lovely hippopotamus was tucked safely in bed, downing some multi coloured little sweeties (full of magic 'forget about it all' stuff!) after being escorted home by a very nice AA man with her exceedingly filthy little red car on the back of the very nice AA man's lorry. There was one little black dog and one little orange dog peeking out from over the dashboard! (Of the exceedingly filthy car, on the back of the lorry!)
The morale of this story is......shallow pockets ARE F*&$ING SH!T£!!!!!!!!! And never, ever...don't EVER expect an easy life if you adopt a F*&$ING ORANGE DOG!!!
The End!


I met Hefina Evans through our WiRE (Women in Rural Enterprise) Networking Group that meets in Carmarthen. Hefina is a Bowen therapist who works with Humans and Horses read more about Hefina's Bowen business here  or follow her on Facebook or Twitter


My gift to Hefina was a sarahmac bag to keep her valuables safe and dry at the beach! (Please note sarahmac bags do not have a waterproof zip so if you plunged into the sea the bag would not be entirely waterproof but you could chuck all your valuables on the beach before wading in for a rescue). 

Images supplied are of Oren the dog enjoying a walk at the beach on a day when his mother didn't lose her phone in the ocean. 

Older Post